In the Kompany of Vincent(ka)

The Klobasa in Luhacovice

The Klobasa in Luhacovice

Now, life as a Klobasa is hard work: it takes dedication, patience, an appreciation of the absurd, and most importantly, an iron liver. So it’s no wonder that even we need a little TLC from time to time – and so off we travelled to Luhačovice – in chase of waterfalls.

Luhačovice is a spa-town in the Zlín region of the Czech Republic, and is well know for it’s variety of medicinal waters, popping up from springs dotted around it’s pleasing promenade. We’d heard about the healing qualities of the H2O here, but also about it’s ability to induce projectile vomiting, so we thought we’d do what we do best and line our stomachs with a quick beer (or two) before heading on to the first fountain, positively named ‘Dr Happy’. Well I haven’t consumed anything you could describe by that name since my partying days back in Blighty, so I have to say I was quite excited. One swig of the good stuff though and I instantly discovered why I’d been warned about drinking too much. Luckily, years of vomit-prevention techniques allowed us all to save our embarrassment and step back and watch middle-aged couples from all over dive in to heal themselves of their ailments.

Dr Happy

After all agreeing that the heavily-guarded Vincentka (for some reason the most famous of foul tasting waters) was the least horrendous we headed quickly to the train and onwards to Uhersky Brod for the Blansko away game. Before the game we made a quick dash in to town to discover there was a market on, selling plenty of Burcak (young wine) and furry toys squeaking and dying over rubber balls. We supped up some lager, ate some parek (hotdog) and grilled chicken and headed on to the stadium for the game.

Vincentka

Vincentka

The last time the Klobasa were here we agreed that it was one of our least favourite grounds, but it has to be said that this trip was something of an improvement with the klobasa too proving something of a success, served happily with both mustard and the much sort after kren. We were joined this time by a good friend who just so happens to hate football. However, he does like grilled sausage and partook in both a klobasa and it’s more slender cousin, the cigara, making him something of a hero on this trip. After joining in with much chanting and drumming about Blansko’s number 1, David Juran, and failing to sing them past a 1-1 draw we happily staggered towards a burger bar/car wash we visited on our last trip, ‘Rally Grill’, complete with excitingly titled, ‘Moshroom Burger’, on the menu.

Klobasa & Cigara - magic

Klobasa & Cigara – magic

At the station we parted ways and only two of us remained, finding ourselves once more in a train station bar… somewhere…

Uhersky Brod Stadion

Uhersky Brod Stadion

We rode the train to Brno in the company of two Russian girls who had the indignity to say they hated Brno, apparently without much evidence to back up this ignorance. So, naturally we bade their leave at the station and went of in search of more positive entertainment – and it’s here where things started to get a little hazy. We thought we’d drop in on some friends who run the excellent Cafe Flexaret for a chat and drink, before they suggested taking us to a bar we’d never even been to. Great, we thought, we’re always up trying somewhere new! U 7 Svabu (or, U Effiho to the regulars) was an experience to say the least – and one we will definitely be heading back to! A band were set up playing a variety of covers from different genres while this happened to be the opening night of an exhibition themed on the seven deadly sins. Well, the beer and slivovice started to flow and the laughter began to fill the air, when suddenly, despite me pleading in desperation against the fact, I found myself on stage with a guitar round my neck and microphone in my face (cheers guys). After false start with a song of my own and wishing the world would swallow me whole I stopped it all and said ‘fuck it, let’s play some rock ‘n’ roll – in G!’ The band enjoyed it so much we played the same song again in a different key, with the improvised lyrics of ‘I’m so drunk and you don’t even know my name…’ I was kindly reminded of this piece of poetry the following Monday. Must’ve been that water…

U Effiho

U Effiho

Klobasa

Klobasa

Thoughts from the Klobása – an insightful review

The Blansko klobása

The Blansko klobása

With the new season approaching (Napajedla away tomorrow), we asked some of the Blansko Klobasa their thoughts on the season just gone and their hopes for the team for 2014/15. The idea was to do it in a pub, but unable to organise it – we sent them a load of questions via the internet, but if you prefer you can pretend it is in the FK Blansko clubhouse.

What did you think of the season?
R :I thought that it was an excellent season back in Divize considering we didn’t make to many changes in the squad. It was good to see the club strengthen after the winter break and the signings of both Coupek and
Goldelka were inspired.
C: Highly entertaining and pretty successful considering it was the first season back in Divize. And it took me all over Moravia!
W: Really enjoyed it – cemented my affection for FKB as one of my teams. It’s nice to feel part of it all

Which stadiums have you been to in Moravia?
C Well, I guess a few. Polna, Uhersky Brod, Rosice, Vyskov, Velké Meziříčí, Bystrice nad Penstejnem, Bohunice, Bystric and a few more I can’t remember… and The Udolni or course!

What was your favorite game of the season?
R: Bystrica nad Penstejnem away. Not just for the castle, but the 5-1 win away was a superb performance. And Also it was the first time that you could see the people connected with the club accepted our support. 
C: Velké Meziříčí at home. The away fans Were the best of the season and the last-minute equalizer Blansko made ​​it feel like we’d just won a cup final.
W: Two or three candidates for this. Enjoyed all the away games, but must say in particular VelMez, Bohunice and Rosice. Very pleased that the Fun Club appreciate our support and realise that it is genuine. But I will stick with the late fight-back at home to VelMez as my favourite. Felt a real pride in them.

FC Velmez

How many away fans did Velke Mezirici bring?
C: Well, not a lot to be honest – I counted 5? But they had a drum and made one hell of a noise. Although they could probably do with some drum lessons – no rhythm.

What was the score?
C: 2 -2

What about player of the season?
R: I have to give it to Honza Trtilek. Spent the entire first half of the season on his own in attack and the second half scoring and setting up goals for Goldelka. The boy is Blansko through and through. Also special mention to David Juran, he’s a friend on Facebook , whose fine performances in goal got him a trial at FK Znojmo and of course
Goldelka who wouldn’t look out of place in the Synot Liga.
C: I’d also have to say Honza Trtilek, purely for his work rate and goals. He carried the fronline on his own for most of the season.
W: Agreed, for the season got to be Honza T. Best player on the books IMHO. Although Goaldelka is a hell of a goalscorer.

Do you think most fans would agree?
C: I think they’d have to. The table wouldn’t have looked so good without him.

Fotbalista_OFS_Blansko_2013_tit_24012014

Best trip of season.
R: Polna – An adventure which took us all around Vysocina, met some interesting characters and ended up in a local pub that wouldn’t look out of place in a Stanley Kubrick film.
C: Bystrice nad Penstejnem because I fell in love with the area of Vysočina.
W: VelMez. Nice town. Nice ground. Nice weather. Nice beer. Say no more

What do you like about Vysocina?
C: It’s just got some beautiful landscape, and the castle of course. Many of the towns are nice and it’s pretty calm.

Pernštejn Castle

Pernštejn Castle

Lowlight of the season.
R: Getting drunk on Slivovice in the home dressing room – we won’t be going there again.
W: The slivovice incident. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
C: Losing the abandoned Skoda from the Udolni

Skoda? Where was it parked?
C: Next to a goal just behind the pitch. It was a good mascot for the club – it just needed a lick of paint. The kids liked to bounce balls off of it. It was a sad day when they took it away.

Gone!!!

Gone!!!

What are your hopes for next season?
R: Some great away trips – plans have been made to travel to one of the games on the Bata canal. A great cup run with a game against tip top opposition and another good season in the league.
W: A decent season with a decent cup run. Keep Honza’s T and K. More fun visits to away grounds. To take out the message of The Klobasa to the world!!
C: Travelling Moravia and hopefully seeing an even greater improvement on a great last season.

How do you think Blansko will do?
C: I’m hoping for a top 5 finish, but we’ve got some new players this year so let’s wait and see how they do.

Best team seen?
W: Rosice. Much better than champions Vyskov IMO.
R: I agree, I think Rosice were definitely the best team I saw, full of ex pros and just took us apart away from home.

Best Goal?
W: Goaldelka’s curling free-kick at home to (?). Bohunice’s free-kick to equalise against us.
R:  Coupek´s against Polna away. From the halfway line (wind assisted)

The ‘We wuz robbed’ award
W: The inexplicable capitulation second half at Vyskov
R: Have to agree with Wingy. I am still unsure how we threw it away at Vyskov…Should have been 4-0 up at half-time.
C: The dodgy refereeing at Bohunice costing us a result.

Good luck to the boys in Blue for the coming season and hopefully there will be more tales of beer, sausage , horseradish and football coming to you from a town in Moravia soon.

TBK

The Klobasa

The Klobasa

Storming the Castle

Pernštejn Castle

Pernštejn Castle

After the Klobása’s last outing to Vyškov proved to be one of mixed fortunes (FK Blansko lost and the klobása was average, but we had our own horseradish) we were looking forward to yet another trip away, this time to Bystřice nad Pernštejnem. In the time between trips Blansko had managed to turn in a home win against Stará Říše so things there were looking up. Now that’s the footie sorted, but what about our trip? And more importantly, what about the klobása?

To kick the day off we decided to take in a bit of culture, and so rolled in to the worn out old station at Tišnov to have a ganders at Pernštejn Castle. Alighting the train at Nedvědice we spied two bars straight away – and that was just at the station! Brimming with joy after such a promising start we wandered through the pretty little village before beginning the ascension to the castle, perched high up on the hill. Pernštejn Castle has to be one of the most attractive castle in the Czech Republic. It’s imposing location atop the rock strikes an impressive view from below. We arrived there in the middle of a wedding, looking just a little out of place with our Blansko Klobása t-shirts on, with nobody offering us a free champagne. One woman however, admittedly not associated with the wedding, asked us what the t-shirts were about. She politely feigned interest when we explained it was “a blog about football, beer and sausage, but mainly sausage”, and then she asked quite pointedly, “What are you doing in my country?”. Well there’s me thinking we’d just explained that, but there you go…

Chickens

Chickens

After a quick look around we descended back down and grabbed a decent pint of Pernstejn (confusingly a beer from Pardubice) and then a quick Bernard at the station, leaving a trail of Klobása stickers in our wake. We jumped on to the train and rolled on to, well, the middle of nowhere otherwise known as Bystřice nad Pernštejnem. Enough walking between farms finally saw us arrive at the gates of the Bystřice ground, and between two bars. We got the beers in, greeted the Blansko drummer and took up seats in the stands. We were aware of a few unfamiliar faces joining us in the away end, who seemed to be content singing with us Britské rowdies – as the drummer has so flatteringly termed us. The extra support was indeed welcome but it all appeared to be for no good end when Bystřice went a goal up. Disappointed, and bloody hungry, we trekked off a little later for a pre-half-time klobása. We were standing in line for our eagerly anticipated sausage when we suddenly heard cheers behind us, only to turn around and realised we’d missed the equaliser! Was the klobása worth it? Well, it filled a whole but it was certainly no resounding success, and they weren’t half tight with the bread and mustard.

The Bystřice klobása

The Bystřice klobása

Little were we aware then that Blansko would go on to net five more screamers. During the course of this rampage, the plight of bottom-of-the-league Bystřice was obviously getting to some and prompted one home fan to turn round and reach aggressively for the Blansko drum! Understandably he appeared to regret this act quite quickly and, to give him credit, apologised on more than one occasion. We let the final cheers die-down before we headed in to Bystřice itself. It was as quiet as any small Czech town on a Saturday but we found a decent little restaurant and piled some higher quality pork products on top of the klobása sitting uncomfortably in our stomachs, before jumping on the train back to Brno to put the lid on a, mostly, successful day…

Bystřice

Bystřice

Teams

Teams

Have you got any horseradish?

The Blansko Horseradish

Sitting in U Mice (we do that quite often), sipping a Policka, I turned to Craggy and talked him through the trip to see Blansko’s opening game after the winter break. “Right, the idea is get to Vyskov, take a bus to Dedice to see where Klement Gotwtald was born, walk to Drnovice to see the old football stadium and then back to Vyskov to try the local beer in the brewery. How does that sound?” I didn’t wait for the answer, the plan was in motion…..except there was one major flaw – the season wasn’t kicking off for 3 more weeks and it was a Friday… oh well, we went for the hell of it anyway.

Fast forward 3 weeks and with two of us already having familiarised ourselves with the local area, we found ourselves back on the train to Vyskov. The idea was pretty similar to the first jaunt, the only difference being that we didn’t fancy heading over to look at where one of Stalin’s best mates was born, so replaced that with a trip to a pub for some food.

Stalin's mate woz 'ere

Stalin’s mate woz ‘ere

To give you a bit of background information on the the town, Vyskov is an army town situated between Brno and Olomouc. It is famous for it’s Dino Park where you can find about 30 life-size dinosaur models and the town also has one of the best rugby teams in the Czech Republic. So, yes, there isn’t a lot going on. The locals also have no idea that their football team are flying high in the 4th division and have a good chance of promotion…..

MFK Vyskov 3 – Blansko Klobasa 1

It’s 9.00am at Brno Hlavni and I am waiting for the others. It is fair to say the whole Blansko klobasa thing has become a bit of an obsession and that the 4 of us had been looking forward to the game since.. I don’t know when… for the sake of the story let’s say from the final whistle at Rosice back in November. Further proof is that we now have t-shirts and stickers….

As the train approaches Vyskov and you look out of the compartment windows, you see fields and villages and if you look really closely you see a stadium floodlight..honestly a football floodlight in the middle of nowhere. First stop on the trip was Drnovice, a village with a population of 2,278 (thank you wikipedia) and a football stadium with a capacity of 6,600, yep, I can’t really work that one out either. It is home to FK Drnovice who now play in the 8th tier of the Czech league system, but in their heyday spent 10 years in the top tier and qualified for Europe on two separate occasions. Every time I have visited Vyskov, I have always walked the 4km to have a take in a game or just to have a look at the condition of the ground. So, I was happy when two of the Klobasa shared my interest in seeing it’s current state (the 4th member was on gardening duty in Blansko) – Well, we are sad to say that stadium is unfortunately in ruin as there is nobody able or bothered to take care of it. It is more a hang out for the local teenagers, than local footballers. I am sure Craggy, will add photos to this article for you to make your own mind up.

Drnovice stands

Drnovice stands

Drnovice

Drnovice

The only thing to cheer us up before walking back into town was a beer..and the sun.  The first day of the Spring season had Moravia basking in glorious sunshine, so we headed over to one of the two local pubs in the village, where the regulars were watching a modern day version of the TV series “The Littlest Hobo”. Without wishing to distract them from their flat screen tv, we ordered 3 Bernard’s from the barmaid and asked her to open the beer garden. Not even a stray German Shepherd could keep us from sitting outside on such a beautiful day and off we went..

As with most trips, we seem to wander from pub to pub in search of either beer or food or both. One of us had spotted that the pub just across the road was serving up boar goulash for lunch. “I tell you what, let’s go over there and if they are serving it with potato pancakes, we’ll go in, if they or offering dumplings, we’ll head to Vyskov, okay?” Damn, dumplings – we went in anyway and convinced the waitress to adjust the menu to my taste, while one of the others mulled over whether she would have a campari as an aperitif…

With our bellies full, the 4km journey back into town was easy and we made the next stop off the train station pub to wait for Wingy who had now finished planting his potatoes and was on the fast train out of Blansko. Now, if you have been to a train station pub, they are bit hit and miss in terms of friendliness and atmosphere. This was definitely a miss, only the bar at Frydek-Mistek station ranks below  Vyskov. The beer is terrible and you can’t see through the frosted windows..unless your Craggy, he can see through anything. Confirmation of this came minutes after ordering our 3rd beer of the day. “There’s Wingy” he cried. I was absolutely sure it couldn’t be as a) Wingy had told me that his train was due  in 20 mins and b) he was staring at great big dirty frosted window…Off he went and back he came Wingy-less and dejected..

5 minutes later and with Wingy in tow (he had indeed been there but had walked off in the other direction), we were on our way to the stadium. Considering the position of the the opponents, there was a fair amount of optimism amongst us as we headed closer to the ground. Two quick beers were sank and before you could say “Jan Trtilek is a football genius” we were in the main stand greeting the two other Blansko supporters like long lost brothers. It’s truly was a welcome we weren’t expecting. Blaaannnnsskkoooo.

Now, I am writing this two weeks after the event, but I remember a few things about the game – it truly was a game of two halves. In the opening 45 minutes, Blansko’s game plan was to knock the ball up top for Honza to get a flick on and for his new strike partner Honza (popular name in CZ) to run on to. And… it worked a treat as Blansko lead one-nil at the break with a superb finish from the ever impressive Honza Trtilek. The only other point worth noting was how proudly the drummer introduced us to the home fans as “our British rowdies” ….we are quite clearly not.

Hand in hand they go...

Hand in hand they go…

The second half was a different story – The manager decided to do away with the tactics that had served us so well and looked a little lost in the second half. Vyskov scored 3 goals (assisted by the lines woman) and we took off our best player after 60 odd minutes…Very disappointing and can I even say a tad suspicious….

The highlight of our second half was the klobasa…but once again the stand had no horseradish… but this time we were prepared and even though he refused to lend us a spoon to serve up our kren, we had brought our own..let’s call it 1-0 to the Klobasa.

A trip to Vyskov wouldn’t be a trip to Vyskov without a beer in the local brewery and that’s where we headed, not to drown our sorrows at 3 point lost, but to celebrate a victory for horseradish and thoroughly good day out.

Vyskov brewery

Vyskov brewery

Some stats : Vyskov Klobasa 6 out of 10

Away fans : 7

Entrance: 40kc (with programme)

MOM : Jan Trtilek