Budapest – The Musical

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Many of us have been to Budapest before, it is a stunningly beautiful city famous for its Turkish baths, incredible architecture and my favourite river… At this point I should ask if anybody else has a favourite stretch of water? Friends often laugh when I list off my 5 favourite rivers…Ralph stop…

The purpose of our visit to the Hungarian capital was not to enjoy the baths, but to watch one of Hungary’s most famous football teams while exploring the city in search of good food (klobasa) and of course the local beer.

6.22am and we were off, comfortably positioned in a Czech Railway dining car, where we would stay for the entire 4hr 23mins of the journey south-east. One of the finest (I am keen to avoid using favourite too much) qualities of Czech Railways is the dining car – the service is good and the prices are excellent – highly recommended if you are ever lucky enough to find yourself travelling in the Czech Republic.

Roughly half an hour into the journey and not even in Slovakia we had already ordered our first beer of to go with our equally unhealthy breakfast of ham and eggs. We were also using the time to refresh our knowledge of Hungarian,  very much like the scene in Monty Python with the very same phrasebook. It’s a difficult language to grasp, but we were both determined to refresh our knowledge of the pleasantries.

The train journey from the Czech Republic is one of the nicest is Central Europe, especially when you cross the border into Hungary from Slovakia. While, the Hungarians may be blessed with stunning countryside, they haven’t been so lucky with ticket inspectors, as a couple of young ladies sat behind us in the buffet car found out when the most miserable inspector told them that a mobile phone was not a train ticket (I suppose he’s right there) and charged them an extra 80 euros for not taking the time to read the small print. No matter how much they pleaded with him, he was not going to let them off, unless they promised to give him back Dunajska Streda. I made that last bit up. However, they did leave the train lighter.

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As we approached Budapest Keleti, two things of note happened – First of all, with us keen to settle the bill, we went in search of a buffet car member of staff. It had been a while since we had seen them, but before you call the police, we did find them, all of them, fast asleep in the first class department and I felt awful having to wake them up. Welcome to Ceske Drahy.

The second, and this might give you an insight into life on the road with The Blansko Klobasa, was that Craggy turned to me right as we pulled into Keleti station and said, “maybe, we should turn this trip into a musical”. Now before you laugh, and we’d only had a couple of beers, honest – I thought this was a brilliant idea. Yes, you are all welcome to join us on a trip. We’ll list the bizarre songs that come into our heads later.

At Keleti train station, I made my first mistake of the day by heading over to change some Czech crowns into Hungarian forint. In untypical fashion, I went to the first place I saw.

“Excuse me, could I change some Czech crowns into Hungarian forints, please?”

I handed over the equivalent of about 35 GBP.

The woman behind the counter smiled and took the money and asked a question that took me by surprise.

“How long are you staying in Budapest for?”

Now, I took that as her asking me out on a date, but before we could finalise a night out on the tiles and possibly a life together in the Hungarian capital, I realised that she was encouraging me to change more money, so that she could rip me off a little bit more…The lesson learned here is – don’t change any money at the train station and although they a being extremely friendly, they are not inviting you out for ghoulash.

So, about 5 beers down in commission, we walked out of the terminal and into the bustling centre of Budapest, where we encountered another, and we must final, attempt to get more forint from us. Craggy will have to watch his back while withdrawing money at Budapest cash machines.

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After that final attempt at the cashpoint, we found a cafe happy enough to provide us with our first Hungarian beer of the day, for probably the only time during the trip we were not there for food or alcohol, but to use modern technology called WIFI to locate our hotel, somewhere over the river. Years ago, we’d have picked up a map from tourist information, now we have smartphones to ruin the fun..

“It’s about a 25 minute walk that way” said Craggy, while confidently pointing in the direction of the Danube, my favourite river if I hadn’t mentioned it all. What my travel partner hadn’t mentioned was that the entire journey was uphill.

So across the Chain Bridge we went, and then up and up and up. It was a challenge. While on that journey, we noticed piles of rubbish on the streets, I can’t really explain it, some people were selling junk, some of the residents had left whatever they didn’t need anymore. There was old furniture, pool tables, computers, old televisions, not in organised piles, but it looked like they had just been thrown from the nearest balcony… Could anyone from Budapest tell us why?

We finally got into the hotel Bi&Bi Panzio, and to my relief without needing climbing equipment, about 3 hrs before kick off. Even though it was a bit of a walk from the Keleti station, it was in a great location and we’d also heard wonderful things about the breakfast. It was also close to the metro line and we had a game to get to. Of course, not before we tried a restaurant recommended to us by the incredibly friendly lady at our hotel reception.

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Trombitás Gösserező was a gem, not the kind of place you would perhaps enter from unwelcoming facade, but a paradise of Hungarian cuisine and beer on the inside. The food did not disappoint and with a belly full, we paid and took various modes of transport before arriving at Budapest Honved’s magnificent stadium.

Arriving 30 minutes before the game might be enough time to get a ticket and find your place in the stadium, but not at Honved. Fans patiently queued well into the first half (apart from two annoying Australian tourists), and the only reason I can think of for waiting in silence without complaint was they knew something we didn’t… That Hungarian football would wait until everybody was safely in the stadium before scoring a goal.

We finally secured our tickets in 32nd minute, after providing I.D and speaking more Hungarian than we’d done in any of our previous visits. The only thing we didn’t understand was probably “Don’t worry about the score, we have asked both teams to pass the ball around in the centre circle until all fans are in the ground”, okay maybe the ticket lady didn’t utter those words, but there were still a healthy number of Honved fans queuing without a care in the world – so we knew the action would wait.

The Hondved stadium should be under UNESCO. It’s sadly been ruined by the plastic seats, but the floodlights are just glorious. For anybody who knows me well, they know that floodlights, rivers and Central European train journeys are up there as my most favourite things ever…

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Beers bought, we positioned ourselves behind the goals and as close to the ultras as possible – I still don’t know how MattLostBoyo finds his way in home end, there must be a talent to obtaining those tickets. Matt?

The game was as you would expect, a bit dull with moments of magic from both teams…The first half went by without much action, but that might have been because we missed the first 35 minutes….aaaahhh. Half-time was spent making sure Honved knew who the Blansko Klobasa were by plastering as many stickers as we could in and around the stadium, while trying to take the perfect photo of the floodlights with our crappy smartphones… The football tourist, hey? Can’t live with them … can’t live without them.

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The second half (a full 45 minutes of action) was entertaining. I actually thought Debrecen were the better team for much of the game and had several chances to score with former QPR and Watford midfielder Daniel Tozser pulling the strings in midfield and second half sub Hyun-Jun Suk running intelligently in attack, they probably should have won the game..but what do we know about football with 85 minutes on the clock scored the only goal we have seen in 360 minutes of Hungarian football, Marton Eppel latching on to a through ball from Kabangu. Against the run of play, but for us it didn’t matter, we just wanted a goal.

With Hungarian football not keen to give us much more, Craggy suggested finding some trendy bars in Pest. By this he meant hipster, where beers are served in bicycle repair shops. Admittedly, it was good place to start, but with none of us in possession of a Raleigh Racer we knew we had to leave after our our only beer and headed for more local climates.

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Those “climates” were a local dive where a local man took an instant shine to our Craggy, offering a leather belt and some perfume for something we are still unsure of. While, we were not in need of something to keep our trousers up or a fragrance that may have been to our advantage, we were in need of beer and the more Hungarian the better. With every sip of beer, came more questions from our new friend.”You like the belt, special price for you my friend”. Sometimes it helps to be the ugly one.

With both of us declining the option of a second beer and bidding farewell to our new friends (which included one who had possibly been sleeping in the same position since our previous visit to Budapest), we made our best decision of the night to find as many local pubs on our way back to the hotel, but not before we had popped next door to Kobe Sausage for what can only be described as a few small sausages in a cone, with lots of sauce. As we were trying to get a photo of this very unique snack, two men approached us..

“Mmmm..klobasa? Is it good?”

“Er…we don’t know, it’s difficult to eat” ( and it was)

“Do you want some cocaine?”

“Er..no thank you” we both replied.

“Grass?”

Well, we declined both, but what impressed us most was that he started on a Class A drug and moved down to something less classy.

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A lot of sauce in an awkward bread cone

Beer stops were made, photos were taken until we arrived in one of our final stops of the evening after being waved away from a tiny bar that had been so welcoming the year or so before. With midnight fast approaching we walked into an empty cafe across the river and a km from our home for the night.

“Are you still open?” I enquired

“Well, we would like to close, but you can have a small beer if you promise to drink it in 25 minutes” The barmaid responded.

She had obviously no idea of who we were, or maybe just thought we had already had one too many.

Then something strange happened, the music changed to mixture of late 80s classics and her colleague came in from the cold. Now, they no longer wanted us to leave, they were locking us in and asking us  if we wanted a shot… this all to a Simple Minds soundtrack. We accepted their offer of a palinka, but we weren’t too sure about them locking us in…It was a bit of a turnaround and one we were not expecting. Suspecting they now wanted a bit more than to dance to Tiffany’s “I think we’re alone now”, we downed the shots, thanked them politely for their hospitality and asked them to unlock the door and let us out. It was a very bizarre moment and one that completely took us by surprise.

We tried other bars on the way up to the hill, finding a Croatian pub open to provide us with one final beer and a nightcap. Budapest we love you.

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Our second day started with the most incredible breakfast we’ve had on our travels, service with a smile and a meal that was worth hotel fee on its own. Follow the link to Bi&Bi Panzio here, it’s worth every single forint.

The Sunday was spent in typical Klobasa style, taking in the sights of one of the most beautiful cities in the world, while finding watering holes to quench our thirst.  In our opinion there’s nothing better than seeing the sights of such a spectacular city, while tasting the local beverages and cuisine.

As we were on the Buda side, we made the short walk up to the castle, past the Matthias church, where like every other tourist in Budapest we stopped for photos – before slowly walking down the hill to the Chain Bridge, to the cities second most popular place for selfies. One too many selfie stick for us and we headed straight to our first beer stop. The rest of the day was pretty much the same, sightseeing and Soproni drinking.

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Around 3.00pm we found ourselves, quite by chance, just outside Keleti Train Station and with two hours to kill and feeling a tad peckish, we found another great Hungarian restaurant, Huszár étterem, on one of the side streets.

“Welcome, Welcome to Budapest”

And I suppose , even though we on our way out of Budapest, the people, the food, the palinka, the beer had made it such a great trip that we knew we’d be back for more.

As Craggy so often says when he likes a place…

“I could live here”

Viva Budapest. Viva Soproni. Viva Palinki.

Craggy: and what about the setlist for the musical, I can hear you asking? Well, this is the rather inexplicable, and somewhat embarrassing setlist that we sang all weekend:

Driftwood by Travis (You’re driftwood floating down the Danube. Can also be artistically applied to suit the names of Blansko players flying down the left wing)

Summer Son by Texas (Really painful one, this one)

Don’t You Forget About Me by Simple Minds (sounds even better after about 15 beers)

I Think We’re Alone Now by Tiffany (don’t ask…)

Cocaine Blues by Johnny Cash

Enjoy the Silence by Depeche Mode

Don’t You Want Me by The Human League (Sang by the guy in the bar offering himself to Craggy)

Living on a Prayer by Bon Jovi (Which Craggy was doing)

Freelove on the Freelove Freeway by Ricky Gervais

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Ralph and his favourite river

Have you got any horseradish?

The Blansko Horseradish

Sitting in U Mice (we do that quite often), sipping a Policka, I turned to Craggy and talked him through the trip to see Blansko’s opening game after the winter break. “Right, the idea is get to Vyskov, take a bus to Dedice to see where Klement Gotwtald was born, walk to Drnovice to see the old football stadium and then back to Vyskov to try the local beer in the brewery. How does that sound?” I didn’t wait for the answer, the plan was in motion…..except there was one major flaw – the season wasn’t kicking off for 3 more weeks and it was a Friday… oh well, we went for the hell of it anyway.

Fast forward 3 weeks and with two of us already having familiarised ourselves with the local area, we found ourselves back on the train to Vyskov. The idea was pretty similar to the first jaunt, the only difference being that we didn’t fancy heading over to look at where one of Stalin’s best mates was born, so replaced that with a trip to a pub for some food.

Stalin's mate woz 'ere

Stalin’s mate woz ‘ere

To give you a bit of background information on the the town, Vyskov is an army town situated between Brno and Olomouc. It is famous for it’s Dino Park where you can find about 30 life-size dinosaur models and the town also has one of the best rugby teams in the Czech Republic. So, yes, there isn’t a lot going on. The locals also have no idea that their football team are flying high in the 4th division and have a good chance of promotion…..

MFK Vyskov 3 – Blansko Klobasa 1

It’s 9.00am at Brno Hlavni and I am waiting for the others. It is fair to say the whole Blansko klobasa thing has become a bit of an obsession and that the 4 of us had been looking forward to the game since.. I don’t know when… for the sake of the story let’s say from the final whistle at Rosice back in November. Further proof is that we now have t-shirts and stickers….

As the train approaches Vyskov and you look out of the compartment windows, you see fields and villages and if you look really closely you see a stadium floodlight..honestly a football floodlight in the middle of nowhere. First stop on the trip was Drnovice, a village with a population of 2,278 (thank you wikipedia) and a football stadium with a capacity of 6,600, yep, I can’t really work that one out either. It is home to FK Drnovice who now play in the 8th tier of the Czech league system, but in their heyday spent 10 years in the top tier and qualified for Europe on two separate occasions. Every time I have visited Vyskov, I have always walked the 4km to have a take in a game or just to have a look at the condition of the ground. So, I was happy when two of the Klobasa shared my interest in seeing it’s current state (the 4th member was on gardening duty in Blansko) – Well, we are sad to say that stadium is unfortunately in ruin as there is nobody able or bothered to take care of it. It is more a hang out for the local teenagers, than local footballers. I am sure Craggy, will add photos to this article for you to make your own mind up.

Drnovice stands

Drnovice stands

Drnovice

Drnovice

The only thing to cheer us up before walking back into town was a beer..and the sun.  The first day of the Spring season had Moravia basking in glorious sunshine, so we headed over to one of the two local pubs in the village, where the regulars were watching a modern day version of the TV series “The Littlest Hobo”. Without wishing to distract them from their flat screen tv, we ordered 3 Bernard’s from the barmaid and asked her to open the beer garden. Not even a stray German Shepherd could keep us from sitting outside on such a beautiful day and off we went..

As with most trips, we seem to wander from pub to pub in search of either beer or food or both. One of us had spotted that the pub just across the road was serving up boar goulash for lunch. “I tell you what, let’s go over there and if they are serving it with potato pancakes, we’ll go in, if they or offering dumplings, we’ll head to Vyskov, okay?” Damn, dumplings – we went in anyway and convinced the waitress to adjust the menu to my taste, while one of the others mulled over whether she would have a campari as an aperitif…

With our bellies full, the 4km journey back into town was easy and we made the next stop off the train station pub to wait for Wingy who had now finished planting his potatoes and was on the fast train out of Blansko. Now, if you have been to a train station pub, they are bit hit and miss in terms of friendliness and atmosphere. This was definitely a miss, only the bar at Frydek-Mistek station ranks below  Vyskov. The beer is terrible and you can’t see through the frosted windows..unless your Craggy, he can see through anything. Confirmation of this came minutes after ordering our 3rd beer of the day. “There’s Wingy” he cried. I was absolutely sure it couldn’t be as a) Wingy had told me that his train was due  in 20 mins and b) he was staring at great big dirty frosted window…Off he went and back he came Wingy-less and dejected..

5 minutes later and with Wingy in tow (he had indeed been there but had walked off in the other direction), we were on our way to the stadium. Considering the position of the the opponents, there was a fair amount of optimism amongst us as we headed closer to the ground. Two quick beers were sank and before you could say “Jan Trtilek is a football genius” we were in the main stand greeting the two other Blansko supporters like long lost brothers. It’s truly was a welcome we weren’t expecting. Blaaannnnsskkoooo.

Now, I am writing this two weeks after the event, but I remember a few things about the game – it truly was a game of two halves. In the opening 45 minutes, Blansko’s game plan was to knock the ball up top for Honza to get a flick on and for his new strike partner Honza (popular name in CZ) to run on to. And… it worked a treat as Blansko lead one-nil at the break with a superb finish from the ever impressive Honza Trtilek. The only other point worth noting was how proudly the drummer introduced us to the home fans as “our British rowdies” ….we are quite clearly not.

Hand in hand they go...

Hand in hand they go…

The second half was a different story – The manager decided to do away with the tactics that had served us so well and looked a little lost in the second half. Vyskov scored 3 goals (assisted by the lines woman) and we took off our best player after 60 odd minutes…Very disappointing and can I even say a tad suspicious….

The highlight of our second half was the klobasa…but once again the stand had no horseradish… but this time we were prepared and even though he refused to lend us a spoon to serve up our kren, we had brought our own..let’s call it 1-0 to the Klobasa.

A trip to Vyskov wouldn’t be a trip to Vyskov without a beer in the local brewery and that’s where we headed, not to drown our sorrows at 3 point lost, but to celebrate a victory for horseradish and thoroughly good day out.

Vyskov brewery

Vyskov brewery

Some stats : Vyskov Klobasa 6 out of 10

Away fans : 7

Entrance: 40kc (with programme)

MOM : Jan Trtilek