A hiding to nothing in the Highlands.

IMG-20171001-WA0001I woke up at around 10,00am on Sunday morning with two options, to clean the flat or to head back into the Czech Moravian highlands for Blansko’s Divize D fixture against Vrchovina. Now, believe it or not that wasn’t an easy decision to make. Saturday I had spent walking from Bystre to Policka in the driving rain to visit our favourite brewery and on my return to Brno, I had been convinced that the best way to end the night would be to dance. I don’t dance. I can’t dance. I went dancing. So, to rise with “sususudio” still in your  head – I should have just rolled over and got a couple more hours of kip… Su su sudIOOOO..

Brno train station was packed with Zbrojovka fans heading in the opposite direction for their game against Karvina , daytrippers on their way to Prague and me heading to Nove Mesto Na Morave for a spot of groundhopping. The name might be familiar to those of you interested in winter sports,  for me it was the scene of  a wild night out in the late 90s and only the second time in my life someone has pulled a gun out on me.

The train journey was quiet and I was thankful to have the brilliant Merthyr Town fanzine “Dial M for Merthyr” to keep me company. Changing trains at Zdar, I bumped into David Juran, our former goalkeeper, the subject of many of our songs and now number 1 for our opponents, Vrchovina. It’s always nice to see some of the old faces and I spent the journey quizzing him on his time at Blansko. You genuinely got the impression he was sad to leave Blansko and that the decision was out of his hands. Now given the current situation at the back, you have to question how he was allowed to leave.

At Nove Mesto train station, I wished David all the best, asked him to give away a couple of penalties and said I hoped to see him back at Udolni one day.  I also asked him to recommend a restaurant in the town, but he said he could only recommend a few 24hr pubs. Cheers, David.

So, as he went in the direction of the ground, I went back in time and looked for a restaurant to cure my hangover. On occasions like this and with little time before the game started, I use the 4square app to advise me on places to eat – it recommended a place 10.1 km away in the village of Radesin. I think that might tell you a lot about my options. In the end I did find a pleasant restaurant in the centre of the town. Thanks U Dvou Kocek, Nove Mesto making me feel just a bit better.

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The Vrchovina stadium is a compact little ground with one main stand running along the touchline. Naturally at Blansko games it wasn’t long before I bumped into someone I knew, one of the Blansko regulars, whose name I can’t recall. He encouraged me to try his homemade apricot spirit and like many Moravians wouldn’t take no for an answer. Cheers. After spending a few minutes chatting to them about the club and a bit about the future (the future of FK Blansko, not our future together) I walked back round to one of the quieter spots, just as the teams walked out.  One of the things I love about groundhopping is the possibility to enjoy a game of football on my own. Of course, it’s great fun with friends too, but there are times when you just want to clear the head and watching a game of football in the middle of nowhere can help.

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Blansko started positively and could easily have taken the lead in the opening couple of minutes – Lubos Chloupek almost weaving his way through the Vrchovina defence to score.  However,  it was Vrchovina who opened the scoring in 6th minute with another mistake from our defence, Vrchovina’s Kamil Skalnik finishing from just inside the area. After 21 minutes we were 3-0 down (all to individual mistakes) and you could see the boys heads drop.  At this point, I found myself thinking how much we would benefit from 3 central defenders – it’s easy to say in hindsight, but every game this season we find ourselves stretched at the back. The players are good, but they are young and in desperate need of a Standa Pisek to organise the team. I rarely use the adjective “rudderless”, but at the moment we are a rudderless ship..er.. in need of Captain Pisek.

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In the second half,  two more goals were added and we had our goalie sent off for a professional foul, the cynical me would say it was a deliberate way of avoiding the next couple of games. I am sure it’s not the case – but when you keep shipping goals at the rate we are, it can’t be easy. The break might do him good and give us a chance to see Zdenek Vesely in goal.

As I headed back to the station after the game, I struck up a conversation with a couple of Vrchovina regulars who agreed that we are a better team than the 5-0 scoreline suggests – but some drastic action needs to be taken if we are going to stay in this league.

 

Up the Blansko!!!

 

Highlights – Well, the Vrchovina crowd are amongst the loudest in the league. It was good to meet David Juran and chat all things Blansko.

 

MOM – Jan Psikal/ Lubos Chloupek

 

 

 

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Blansko bite back in Velka Bites

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There has been a lot of change at FK Blansko. After experiencing the dizzy heights of the third tier, we now find ourselves back in Divize and without most of the players,  without our old manager and assistant and a few of our supporters. (Pav the drum still AWOL).

We have no idea of the exact amount, but the MSFL budget must have been huge last season and out have gone many of our star players. Some back to their parent clubs and others have even dropped down a league. With our main sponsors pulling the plug on the finances, the team is now made up of a couple of 30 and 40 year olds ( Wingy’s close to a call up) and the majority of our youth team. Of course, Honza Trtilek, Petr Gromsky and Jakub Splichal are still in town, but you get the feeling we’re very much experiencing a season of  consolidation.

At TBK we try and look at things positively and away trips are now closer, if that makes any sense. Sunday’s trip to Velke Bites was a 40 minute bus ride north of Brno and this allowing us to be back in time for tea…

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Velka Bites is a small town just of the main motorway connecting Brno and Prague. When I asked a friend about Bites, he told me that he met his wife in a pub there 23 years ago, so it has a lot of fond memories. With none of us on the look out for a wife, he could add no more information and my research brought up nothing of any interest, so off we went into the unknown. I did once stop there for an ice-cream though.

Myself and Craggy met up for a prematch pint at Brno’s main bus station. If any of you have ever been there, it’s a dark piece of brutalist architecture and not the place you would recommend meeting for a pint. But, we’re intrepid, see… so we made our way to the station cafe and ordered a couple of pints of Hauscrecht… a lovely local beer.

By the time the pivo had been downed, it was time to meet Wingy.  For those familiar with queues in the Czech Republic, they don’t really work like they do back home. People do queue, but the moment the bus turns up it becomes a scrum with a pensioner grabbing the front seat. The 14.30 (which incidentally Wingy claimed never existed) was no different. The story ended with us all getting a seat.

Upon arrival in Velka Bites, we did what we usually do, we headed to the nearest pub. Which was just opposite the bus stop. Perfect. What we should have done is explore a bit more as VB is full of pubs, there was one on every corner up to the ground – they all looked better than the one we stationed ourselves in.

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We made kick off. We always do. Grabbed a beer and positioned ourselves (and the flag) close to one of corner flags. To make the new boys feel at home, new chants have been invented, most of them about our new right back. (Wingy is eager to tell our readers that he taught Tomas Feik in nursery school). The poor kid is only 17yrs old and he probably doesn’t even know who Status Quo, Carl Douglas or the Beastie Boys are…Well, past tense… he does now.

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The game was settled in the 15minute, Honza picked up the ball just inside the Bites half and just ran and ran, a fortuitous ricochet presented the ball to Kratochvil who lifted the ball over the advancing keeper and into the back of the net. 1-0 Blansko!

We can’t actually say whether the goal was against the run of play or not, as quite frankly the standard of football was not high, but who are we to care when the goal presented us with our first 3 points of the season.

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At this point I could bore you with a detailed match report, but if the truth be told, I am writing this a week after the game and there was so little quality during the 90 minutes, it’s best if I leave it.

We took the applause from the players at the end of the game, the players came over for the high fives and the congratulations from us, it had been a good day out. And naturally in true Klobasa style we missed the first and the second bus home as we were celebrating 3 points with 3 pints. Up the Blansko.

MOM – Honza

Highlights – Great ground and a small town full of pubs.

Lowlights – The realisation it’s going to be a long season.

 

 

 

 

Player Profiles

At The Blansko Klobasa, we are often asked about the standard of football and about the players FK Blansko can attract, so we have decided to write profiles for the current squad.

Goalkeepers

DjuranDavid Juran – a native of Veverska Bityska, David has been with Blansko for  a while now. An extremely capable goalkeeper, he has been a stalwart of the squad for the past 5 seasons. His ability has not gone unnoticed and has spent time on trial at Znojmo and represented the Czech Republic amateur side at the European Championships in Serbia 2015. An injury this season cost him his place as number one, but still a favourite with us.

Songs – “We all live in a Juran submarine” and “David Juran, superman, follows us on Instagram ”

J FloderJiri Flodr -Anybody who keeps David Juran out of the team has to be a talent and Jirka, who is on loan from Zbrojovka Brno,  has been absolutely outstanding for Blansko this term. A Czech U19 international, we are convinced he will be the first Blansko goalkeeper to represent his country since Jarda Blazek. A superb shot-stopper.

Songs – “Jirka Flodr, he’s our number one (sorry David Juran), Jirka Flodr , he’s our number one (sorry David Juran)

Defenders

P_Gromsky_podzim_2016Petr Gromsky – Gromsky has more songs than Karel Gott and is another popular player with The Blansko Klobasa. 4 seasons ago he was playing 8th tier football with SK Jedovnice and now he’s holding his own in the MSFL. A swashbuckling full back, he’s keen to attack down the right wing. He’s always on fire.

Songs – “Don’t you want me Gromsky”, “Gromsky’s on fire” “He’s Gromsky floating down the right wing”

J_Splichal_podzim_2016Jakub Splichal – nicknamed “The Big Lebowski”by the Blansko Klobasa after spotting him slamming down strikes at a bowling alley, Kuba is another player who has risen through the ranks to play an important role in the club’s recent success. Calm in defence, comfortable in midfield. We like him.

Songs – “We’ve got Splichal, Jakub Splichal, I just don’t think you understand…..”

L_Kolacek_podzim_2016Lukas Kolacek – The grandfather of the team at 33, Lukas was signed from Vyskov (home of the worst beer in the world) in 2016 and has been handed the captain’s armband this season.. He’s our left back and often pops up with the odd goal. Reliable.

Songs- We don’t have one for him at the moment, let’s just say it’s a work in progress.

L_Hanus_jaro_2017Lada Hanus – A new signing who joined Blansko from SK Lisen in February 2017, we have only had the opportunity to see him a couple of times.  Former Zbrojovka Brno youth team player, he can play in the heart of defence or as a midfielder protecting the back four.

Songs – give us a chance..

T_Feik_podzim_2016Tomas Feik – A product of the Blansko youth team, 17 year old Tomas is a highly-rated footballer.  The only thing we can tell you about him is that he has nicked the shirt of Jan Koudelka, Wingy’s favourite footballer (after Mark Viduka) .

Songs – none

 

S_Pisek_podzim_2016Standa Pisek – Standa is a giant, standing at about 4 metres tall – he’s Blansko’s John Charles..able to play in attack and defence.. We see him more as a rock in defence, but our boss throws him in up front if we are in need of a goal. A top man, who organised home shirts for TBK, we owe him more than just a beer.

Songs – “Da, da, da, da ,da ….. Standa Pisek.. repeat”

Midfielders

L_Chloupek_podzim_2016Lubos Chloupek – A scorer of spectacular goals, Lubos is a regular on the right side of our midfield. He notched 6 goals last season on our way to the Divize title and is on his way to beating that this season.

Songs – none..Wingy?

 

J_Kucera_podzim_2016Jakub Kucera – On loan from Zbrojovka Brno, Jakub runs our midfield and as noted by Craggy, he runs in the same style as Steven Gerrard. A “box to box” kind of player, we don’t expect to see him at the club beyond this season. Before each game he shakes hands with Jirka Floder in a strange way 🙂 We believe they are friends.

 

R_Buchta_jaro_2016Robin Buchta – Robin has been at the club since the beginning of time, well it seems that way. Big pals with striker Jan Trtilek, he was the first Blansko player to invite us “backstage” for shots of slivovice. Love the club more than we do.

Songs – ” Robin, Robin, Robin, Robin …. Buchta.

 

J_Minx_podzim_2016Jan Minx – Honza’s favourite player is Gareth Bale, the greatest footballer the world has ever seen and just like the Wales superstar, plays his football down the left flank.. In pre-season he was banging goals in like they were going out of fashion..hopefully we’ll see more of the same in the real games. Another of Zbrojovka Brno.

Songs – ” Honza Minx, Honza Minx running down the wing ….”

D_Duda_podzim_2016Dominik Duda – Signed in July from Opava, Dominik has been in and out of the team most of this season. He started in the centre of midfield, but found himself out on the right in games before the winter break. Has shown brief glimpses of his talent and we would like to see more.

Song – “Duda duda duda duda” (to the tune of the Adams Family”

S_Kolarik_podzim_2016Stepan Kolarik – We are writing this just after he missed a crucial penalty against Unicov, so we’ll try not to allow it to cloud our judgement.  Stepan’s favourite footballer is former Swansea midfielder Frank Lampard and just like Fat Frank likes to get forward at every opportunity. We’ve seen him score plenty during pre season, but he’s found the net only once this season. Very talented and has more clubs than Tiger Woods.

Songs – none.

J_Kratochvil_podzim_2016Jirka Kratochvil – Jirka is nicknamed “little mole”, we have no idea why.  Another homegrown player, he has a bright future ahead of him..He’s been unable to break into the first 11 this season, but we expect to see more of him this second half of the season.

Songs – none

 

Strikers

J_Trtilek_podzim_2016Honza Trtilek – Honza is a crowd favourite and a huge talent.. We all believe that with a bit more pace, he would be playing in the top division. Without wishing to use a cliche – he has an excellent touch for a big man.. Good with his feet and head, you are always guaranteed goals from Honza..

Songs – “Honza, Honza, Honza, Honza, Honza Trtilek”

J_Stehlik_jaro_2017Jindra Stehlik – Big things were expected of Jindra after he made his debut for Zbrojovka Brno in the top league, but he lost his way little and now finds himself spearing the attack for FK Blansko. We are hoping for great things from him. A January signing from SK Lisen.

Song – So come on Jindra Stehlik, score some goals for Blansko….”

J_Motycka_podzim_2016Jarda Motycka – Another player, we have not seen enough of. Jarda has usually been brought on from the subs bench when we are in need of a goal. A tireless runner, you just get the feeling he needs a goal.

Songs – none.

Budapest – The Musical

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Many of us have been to Budapest before, it is a stunningly beautiful city famous for its Turkish baths, incredible architecture and my favourite river… At this point I should ask if anybody else has a favourite stretch of water? Friends often laugh when I list off my 5 favourite rivers…Ralph stop…

The purpose of our visit to the Hungarian capital was not to enjoy the baths, but to watch one of Hungary’s most famous football teams while exploring the city in search of good food (klobasa) and of course the local beer.

6.22am and we were off, comfortably positioned in a Czech Railway dining car, where we would stay for the entire 4hr 23mins of the journey south-east. One of the finest (I am keen to avoid using favourite too much) qualities of Czech Railways is the dining car – the service is good and the prices are excellent – highly recommended if you are ever lucky enough to find yourself travelling in the Czech Republic.

Roughly half an hour into the journey and not even in Slovakia we had already ordered our first beer of to go with our equally unhealthy breakfast of ham and eggs. We were also using the time to refresh our knowledge of Hungarian,  very much like the scene in Monty Python with the very same phrasebook. It’s a difficult language to grasp, but we were both determined to refresh our knowledge of the pleasantries.

The train journey from the Czech Republic is one of the nicest is Central Europe, especially when you cross the border into Hungary from Slovakia. While, the Hungarians may be blessed with stunning countryside, they haven’t been so lucky with ticket inspectors, as a couple of young ladies sat behind us in the buffet car found out when the most miserable inspector told them that a mobile phone was not a train ticket (I suppose he’s right there) and charged them an extra 80 euros for not taking the time to read the small print. No matter how much they pleaded with him, he was not going to let them off, unless they promised to give him back Dunajska Streda. I made that last bit up. However, they did leave the train lighter.

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As we approached Budapest Keleti, two things of note happened – First of all, with us keen to settle the bill, we went in search of a buffet car member of staff. It had been a while since we had seen them, but before you call the police, we did find them, all of them, fast asleep in the first class department and I felt awful having to wake them up. Welcome to Ceske Drahy.

The second, and this might give you an insight into life on the road with The Blansko Klobasa, was that Craggy turned to me right as we pulled into Keleti station and said, “maybe, we should turn this trip into a musical”. Now before you laugh, and we’d only had a couple of beers, honest – I thought this was a brilliant idea. Yes, you are all welcome to join us on a trip. We’ll list the bizarre songs that come into our heads later.

At Keleti train station, I made my first mistake of the day by heading over to change some Czech crowns into Hungarian forint. In untypical fashion, I went to the first place I saw.

“Excuse me, could I change some Czech crowns into Hungarian forints, please?”

I handed over the equivalent of about 35 GBP.

The woman behind the counter smiled and took the money and asked a question that took me by surprise.

“How long are you staying in Budapest for?”

Now, I took that as her asking me out on a date, but before we could finalise a night out on the tiles and possibly a life together in the Hungarian capital, I realised that she was encouraging me to change more money, so that she could rip me off a little bit more…The lesson learned here is – don’t change any money at the train station and although they a being extremely friendly, they are not inviting you out for ghoulash.

So, about 5 beers down in commission, we walked out of the terminal and into the bustling centre of Budapest, where we encountered another, and we must final, attempt to get more forint from us. Craggy will have to watch his back while withdrawing money at Budapest cash machines.

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After that final attempt at the cashpoint, we found a cafe happy enough to provide us with our first Hungarian beer of the day, for probably the only time during the trip we were not there for food or alcohol, but to use modern technology called WIFI to locate our hotel, somewhere over the river. Years ago, we’d have picked up a map from tourist information, now we have smartphones to ruin the fun..

“It’s about a 25 minute walk that way” said Craggy, while confidently pointing in the direction of the Danube, my favourite river if I hadn’t mentioned it all. What my travel partner hadn’t mentioned was that the entire journey was uphill.

So across the Chain Bridge we went, and then up and up and up. It was a challenge. While on that journey, we noticed piles of rubbish on the streets, I can’t really explain it, some people were selling junk, some of the residents had left whatever they didn’t need anymore. There was old furniture, pool tables, computers, old televisions, not in organised piles, but it looked like they had just been thrown from the nearest balcony… Could anyone from Budapest tell us why?

We finally got into the hotel Bi&Bi Panzio, and to my relief without needing climbing equipment, about 3 hrs before kick off. Even though it was a bit of a walk from the Keleti station, it was in a great location and we’d also heard wonderful things about the breakfast. It was also close to the metro line and we had a game to get to. Of course, not before we tried a restaurant recommended to us by the incredibly friendly lady at our hotel reception.

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Trombitás Gösserező was a gem, not the kind of place you would perhaps enter from unwelcoming facade, but a paradise of Hungarian cuisine and beer on the inside. The food did not disappoint and with a belly full, we paid and took various modes of transport before arriving at Budapest Honved’s magnificent stadium.

Arriving 30 minutes before the game might be enough time to get a ticket and find your place in the stadium, but not at Honved. Fans patiently queued well into the first half (apart from two annoying Australian tourists), and the only reason I can think of for waiting in silence without complaint was they knew something we didn’t… That Hungarian football would wait until everybody was safely in the stadium before scoring a goal.

We finally secured our tickets in 32nd minute, after providing I.D and speaking more Hungarian than we’d done in any of our previous visits. The only thing we didn’t understand was probably “Don’t worry about the score, we have asked both teams to pass the ball around in the centre circle until all fans are in the ground”, okay maybe the ticket lady didn’t utter those words, but there were still a healthy number of Honved fans queuing without a care in the world – so we knew the action would wait.

The Hondved stadium should be under UNESCO. It’s sadly been ruined by the plastic seats, but the floodlights are just glorious. For anybody who knows me well, they know that floodlights, rivers and Central European train journeys are up there as my most favourite things ever…

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Beers bought, we positioned ourselves behind the goals and as close to the ultras as possible – I still don’t know how MattLostBoyo finds his way in home end, there must be a talent to obtaining those tickets. Matt?

The game was as you would expect, a bit dull with moments of magic from both teams…The first half went by without much action, but that might have been because we missed the first 35 minutes….aaaahhh. Half-time was spent making sure Honved knew who the Blansko Klobasa were by plastering as many stickers as we could in and around the stadium, while trying to take the perfect photo of the floodlights with our crappy smartphones… The football tourist, hey? Can’t live with them … can’t live without them.

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The second half (a full 45 minutes of action) was entertaining. I actually thought Debrecen were the better team for much of the game and had several chances to score with former QPR and Watford midfielder Daniel Tozser pulling the strings in midfield and second half sub Hyun-Jun Suk running intelligently in attack, they probably should have won the game..but what do we know about football with 85 minutes on the clock scored the only goal we have seen in 360 minutes of Hungarian football, Marton Eppel latching on to a through ball from Kabangu. Against the run of play, but for us it didn’t matter, we just wanted a goal.

With Hungarian football not keen to give us much more, Craggy suggested finding some trendy bars in Pest. By this he meant hipster, where beers are served in bicycle repair shops. Admittedly, it was good place to start, but with none of us in possession of a Raleigh Racer we knew we had to leave after our our only beer and headed for more local climates.

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Those “climates” were a local dive where a local man took an instant shine to our Craggy, offering a leather belt and some perfume for something we are still unsure of. While, we were not in need of something to keep our trousers up or a fragrance that may have been to our advantage, we were in need of beer and the more Hungarian the better. With every sip of beer, came more questions from our new friend.”You like the belt, special price for you my friend”. Sometimes it helps to be the ugly one.

With both of us declining the option of a second beer and bidding farewell to our new friends (which included one who had possibly been sleeping in the same position since our previous visit to Budapest), we made our best decision of the night to find as many local pubs on our way back to the hotel, but not before we had popped next door to Kobe Sausage for what can only be described as a few small sausages in a cone, with lots of sauce. As we were trying to get a photo of this very unique snack, two men approached us..

“Mmmm..klobasa? Is it good?”

“Er…we don’t know, it’s difficult to eat” ( and it was)

“Do you want some cocaine?”

“Er..no thank you” we both replied.

“Grass?”

Well, we declined both, but what impressed us most was that he started on a Class A drug and moved down to something less classy.

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A lot of sauce in an awkward bread cone

Beer stops were made, photos were taken until we arrived in one of our final stops of the evening after being waved away from a tiny bar that had been so welcoming the year or so before. With midnight fast approaching we walked into an empty cafe across the river and a km from our home for the night.

“Are you still open?” I enquired

“Well, we would like to close, but you can have a small beer if you promise to drink it in 25 minutes” The barmaid responded.

She had obviously no idea of who we were, or maybe just thought we had already had one too many.

Then something strange happened, the music changed to mixture of late 80s classics and her colleague came in from the cold. Now, they no longer wanted us to leave, they were locking us in and asking us  if we wanted a shot… this all to a Simple Minds soundtrack. We accepted their offer of a palinka, but we weren’t too sure about them locking us in…It was a bit of a turnaround and one we were not expecting. Suspecting they now wanted a bit more than to dance to Tiffany’s “I think we’re alone now”, we downed the shots, thanked them politely for their hospitality and asked them to unlock the door and let us out. It was a very bizarre moment and one that completely took us by surprise.

We tried other bars on the way up to the hill, finding a Croatian pub open to provide us with one final beer and a nightcap. Budapest we love you.

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Our second day started with the most incredible breakfast we’ve had on our travels, service with a smile and a meal that was worth hotel fee on its own. Follow the link to Bi&Bi Panzio here, it’s worth every single forint.

The Sunday was spent in typical Klobasa style, taking in the sights of one of the most beautiful cities in the world, while finding watering holes to quench our thirst.  In our opinion there’s nothing better than seeing the sights of such a spectacular city, while tasting the local beverages and cuisine.

As we were on the Buda side, we made the short walk up to the castle, past the Matthias church, where like every other tourist in Budapest we stopped for photos – before slowly walking down the hill to the Chain Bridge, to the cities second most popular place for selfies. One too many selfie stick for us and we headed straight to our first beer stop. The rest of the day was pretty much the same, sightseeing and Soproni drinking.

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Around 3.00pm we found ourselves, quite by chance, just outside Keleti Train Station and with two hours to kill and feeling a tad peckish, we found another great Hungarian restaurant, Huszár étterem, on one of the side streets.

“Welcome, Welcome to Budapest”

And I suppose , even though we on our way out of Budapest, the people, the food, the palinka, the beer had made it such a great trip that we knew we’d be back for more.

As Craggy so often says when he likes a place…

“I could live here”

Viva Budapest. Viva Soproni. Viva Palinki.

Craggy: and what about the setlist for the musical, I can hear you asking? Well, this is the rather inexplicable, and somewhat embarrassing setlist that we sang all weekend:

Driftwood by Travis (You’re driftwood floating down the Danube. Can also be artistically applied to suit the names of Blansko players flying down the left wing)

Summer Son by Texas (Really painful one, this one)

Don’t You Forget About Me by Simple Minds (sounds even better after about 15 beers)

I Think We’re Alone Now by Tiffany (don’t ask…)

Cocaine Blues by Johnny Cash

Enjoy the Silence by Depeche Mode

Don’t You Want Me by The Human League (Sang by the guy in the bar offering himself to Craggy)

Living on a Prayer by Bon Jovi (Which Craggy was doing)

Freelove on the Freelove Freeway by Ricky Gervais

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Ralph and his favourite river